We all know words turn ugly when spewed from the mouths of drunk and angry people, but the question is:
Is there truth in what’s spoken? Do we actually mean what we say?
The other day I heard someone say she believed people say what they mean when they are drunk, and when they are mad. So you know me, I had to do my research and translate it to “Sanctuary terms.”
I began to think about why people get mad and why people drink. After little contemplation it became clear that we engage in this kind of behavior based on our feelings. For whatever reason when our needs go unfulfilled, we handle the situation in the best ways we know how. We resolve to anger because it’s the natural response when we get upset. Anything else isn’t normal right?
The same applies to drinking. Alcohol is consumed because we feel like drinking. Our feelings are what induce certain behaviors, and it’s those behaviors that produce certain consequences. We catch a feeling based on something that happens; causing us to think about what happened based how it made us feel. Next we react. Reactions mixed with raw emotions are the best ingredients for the perfect personal grenade. While reacting we say or do things that seem out of character for us, had we maybe thought about it first.
Some of you are already saying to yourselves: “yeah I know, but that’s how I felt I couldn’t help it.” This is where Emotional Intelligence comes into play. As an emotionally intelligent person you can intercept the thoughts that will cause you to react in a negative manner. Now you may be saying: How am I supposed to do that if I’m drunk? How am I supposed to implement emotional intelligence when I’m angry? If I was emotionally intelligent I wouldn’t be mad in the first place.
Being emotionally intelligent doesn’t mean you are invincible to feelings. It means you allow yourself to feel, but can quickly process out of those feelings to ensure the outcome of your behavior remains positive. There’s a self awareness piece that’s also required. Allow me to help you comprehend:
- while you’re drinking, allow yourself to feel the effects of the alcohol. This will help you pace yourself so it doesn’t seem your drinks sneak up on you. This allows you to have power over the alcohol without the alcohol having power over you.
- when something makes you mad, allow yourself to feel angry. Recognize the changes in your mood along with the changes in your body. This allows you to have power over what you say and do without going off the handle.
Emotional Intelligence allows us to say what we mean to say, and say it appropriately.
Always remember it’s hurt people who hurt people. These are the people who are emotionally unintelligent.
Hurting people intentionally also makes us look like bad people, and you’re not a bad person.