Proud 

In sociology and psychology, self-esteem reflects a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. And guess what? When your attitude toward self sucks so does your attitude toward s.e.l.f. Your personal safety becomes in jeopardy, your emotional intelligence is off, you’re not processing loss well, and therefore you’re not planning or looking forward to the future. As I explore deeper into the realms of my own self esteem, I continue to uncover the depths of my insecurities. Up until this year, I never really realized how much I have been depriving myself of my own love and attention. I’ve always built my self esteem on the foundation of other people’s expectations, but this year I finally decided to honor the expectations I set for myself. Yesterday was Motivational Monday on the blog. So since I have a bit of a focus problem, I compared some pictures of myself in May to help motivate my motivation. WOW what a difference 5 months made! I still have a little ways to go, but for the first time in my whole life I was genuinely proud of myself. I had accomplished the first level of growth and change I’d set out achieve. Damn did that feel good! And it still does!!

Developing good self esteem is such a process. Maintaining it is an even greater process, but it all can be done. Practicing the methods of the Sanctuary Model have literally changed my life. It’s taught me so much about accountability, and has given me a grip on my self awareness. I’m developing better self restraint and sacrifice. My grandma used to always tell me that I needed to deny myself in order to obtain certain things, and I’m finally understanding the entirety of what she meant. I’m developing discipline within. Since this requires a lot of focus, I have to acquire and maintain it through good coping skills and interventions. You guys probably think I’m talking out the side of my face, but if you really think about it appropriate management of stress and anger is a 9-5 in itself. I’m extremely proud of who I am, and all that I’m becoming. I can finally see myself as the woman I imagined at the age of 12. Now if only I can perfect and sustain punctuality…. Then I’d be A1.