A lot of days I feel like a hypocrite. I work in a psychiatric residential treatment facility for kids. Every day of my shift I’m telling my kids to stay on task, focus on their goals, work on their treatment, and ignore the negativity of their peers. Every day I’m telling my kids how important it is to be responsible, how important it is to process, and identify their feelings. And here I am a lot of times practicing the exact opposite in my own life. I have even dedicated my life to sharing the methods practiced by my kids that help keep life rotating on its correct axis. But in my own life, focus seems to fade to black. A LOT.
I started Belle’s Bleues at the drop of a hat. A few months ago inspiration ignited a fire in me so deep I can still feel the heat. I wanted to make my writing dreams come to reality, and help people change their lives in the process. In May I did that. I started strong, but my focus problem took over. I wasn’t practicing good patience. I wanted everyone to be about what I was talking about right away. I wanted my friends and family to jump on board. I wanted my blog to be the hottest thing smoking. I saw a vision, and I wanted it immediately fulfilled.
I wasn’t planning right either. I kept changing the purpose of the service; nothing was working. People weren’t reading. No one was responding in a way I felt they should. My focus problem took over again. I started thinking of all the bad and negative things going on in my life. I started to feel guilty about where I was in my life. I started to develop a nasty attitude, and a weak mentality towards reality. This is definitely not a good addition to a focus problem, but at that time my self awareness was severely lacking. I wasn’t identifying my emotions appropriately, so let’s just say I was acting the very opposite of what Sanctuary teaches. Out of the storm “Scratches of a Scorpio” and “My Apologies” were born. I was also displaced from my home. I slept many nights on air mattresses, friends’ couches, and sometimes in the back seat of my car. August and September were a rough two months because I lost focus.
Now I’m starting to stand up again. I’m giving all of you what’s been given to me: A second chance. When you know better you do better. And I want the best for all of us. I want to give people a new way to perceive and deal with the trauma of life. I want my blog to be something my kids can follow on therapeutic leaves or once they’ve been discharged. I want everyone to know that the trauma of life is real, and we have to handle it in a unique way.
It takes a lot of hard work; focus and discipline to ignore the noise and truly focus on your work. I guess I shouldn’t feel so bad because I’m allowed to make mistakes too. But I’d really like to maintain my focus. I’d really like to dedicate myself, ignore the noise, and stick to a plan of action. I’d like to achieve my goals as I encourage my kids at work to do on a daily basis. I’d like to prove to the world that the Sanctuary Model is a key tool when it comes to dealing with life.
Focus is so important.
Happy Focus Friday all. What are you focusing on today??