Getting Started 

 

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   I don’t even know where to begin. How to begin, or what to begin with. All I know is that I’m making a change; so I guess I’ll start with this: Where are you love? I’ve been looking all over. I can’t seem to find you anywhere. I searched through the tears that’ve swallowed my heart. But you weren’t there. 

 On the inside now I’m drowning. Heart breaking. Belly aching. Every piece of me is swollen. The way I’m filled up inside, man I should be floating. But I’m bloated. I just need to release. Release these bottled up emotions. I just need to breathe. 

     I hope you hear me. I hope you’re listening too. I hope you actively listen to hear your own feelings too. Because we need a breakthrough. Break down those walls. Break them down. Beat them down. Let them tumble and fall. Don’t you know? Density is impairing. I’m only trying to help. That’s why I’m writing and sharing. 

     How many times?! How many times we gonna this conversation?! Twice? Three times? Maybe it’ll take about seven. Because it took 7 years to get to this place. I wanna invite you, but I think you need space. 

See I don’t want you to be perfect. It takes practice for that. All I need is a human. It takes nurture for that. Perfection’s the disease of a nation. We ain’t got time for that. Love’s the surgery for the soul. Healing will take care of that. 

     Can we start over or something? No Dub’s “Fixx” for that. This can be handled if attempted I’m guaranteeing that. I don’t know where our story ends. How it ends or who it ends with. All I know is that I’m making a change; so I guess I’m starting with this. 

2 Replies to “Getting Started ”

  1. The sunshine after the rain is what I live for. You have taught me so much without teaching me anything at all. So Thank You!!

  2. Hey Belle, WOW!!!! You truly made my mind go back into the memory and I have to tell, I felt this way many of years ago..You must have been reliving how I lived and walked thru life at that point of time..LOVE is suppose to not hurt, but boy have I felt pain and so have you. I would ask so many questions, but never get the real answers. I wasted so many years of my life living this way, and one day I finally said enough is enough!!!! I told myself that I was a child of God and he did not attend for this crap in my life..I knew within myself that I had to CHANGE!!! I took step by step with one foot in front of other..Sometimes all I had was myself to rely on, so I pulled the big girl pants on and said to myself ” I CAN DO THIS, I DONT NEED A MAN!!! As long as I had God everyday I knew I could make it thru the storm. Trust me, I cried many of nights to sleep, but God woke me up the next day to keep on moving on and building my own destiny. I would pray and ask God to put the right man in my life, who he chooses me to be with. I am very thankful now for all the pain and storms that I endured, because I learned so many life lessons behind them..I started with me to make a CHANGE, and that’s when things fell into place. I will never allow a person or persons to do them wrong things against me again..I know my worth n value and I know LOVE, REAL LOVE doesn’t do wrong on purpose. You made my day Kierstan with this writing and it really makes me see what a good hearted, loving, and forgiving person I am..I love you and I wish I could have shielded you a lot of this pain!!! But trust me on this, you will come out from this and be even more AMAZING, then you are now 🙂 You are the bright rays of sunshine beaming down for all the world to see!!! Thank you!!!

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